who i am

We drove up Pike's Peak today - it was beautiful. Cold, but beautiful. We brilliant Floridiots Floridians wore, of course, shorts, t-shirts, and flip-flops. It was not only 41 degrees up there, it was windy and kinda rainy (we even saw some hail). Brr.

{As I'm writing this, I'm watching the Olympics. Watching the fastest man in the world and his ego. Do you know how many times I've heard Usain Bolt call himself a legend? Did you see how he didn't congratulate anyone else? Do you know how many times you can hear the pronouns "I" and "me" coming out of his mouth? Boy, is it hard to love someone with that attitude. Jesus, help me love my 'enemies'...and help me remember that our fight is not one of flesh and blood, but one against "against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." --Ephesians 10:12}

Driving back, we were listening to music in the car. And a verse in one particular song hit me...sadly, I cannot remember that particular song (I think it was Newsboys...?). Oh, the imperfection of the human brain.

Anyway. I do, thankfully, remember what I was hit with...and it was so simple, but something I needed to be reminded of. And it was so clear.

My struggle with sin does not define me. Really, it doesn't. Yeah, being a perfectionist, trying to do it on my own, being a "good girl"...those are all struggles of mine. But they don't make up who I am....you wanna know who I am?

"Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His Name, He gave the right to become children of God — children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God."

--John 1:12-13

I'm a child of God. Not by anything I've done...but because of His love.

That is who I am. That is what defines me. Not anything of myself, but Christ in me, the hope of glory.

Who are you? What do you let define you?

p.s. this was the highlight of the Olympics so far for me :)

a rambling post

I'm sick. Went to sleep last night with a sore throat, woke up with a stuffy nose and tired body tagging along. Thus, I stayed in bed most of the day - just about the only times I got up were to refill my water bottle (about 7 steps from me), go to the bathroom (about 2 steps from me), or eat a meal (which did not include lunch...because I was too lazy and not hungry enough). Nathan was the first one contaminated, and now Nicholas is the only one who, so far, is feeling totally fine (or so it seems)...because in an RV, if one person gets sick, everyone gets sick.

So, while in bed, I finished a book I'd started yesterday, a novel by Beverly Lewis, titled Sanctuary. It was really good. Now that I think about it, I liked it a lot. If I had more energy, I probably would have realized that as soon as I finished it. My brain seems a tad sluggish today.

I haven't been outside once today. How sad. I'm going to change out of my PJs in a bit (yes, it's 8pm, and I am still blissfully wearing my PJs) and grab my shower stuff and walk over to the RV shower and - can you guess? - take a shower. I needed one when I woke up today, but I didn't want to get all my stuff together and everything. I'm so lazy...it really is slightly a problem. 

In Sanctuary there was a part where the main character thought to herself that (words in brackets are mine) "Something about the Plain [in this case, the Amish] style of living made hard work seem altogether natural." I want to have a better work ethic. I don't feel too bad about relaxing so much today, because I'm sick, but there are times where I put a hold on contact in a friendship because I don't feel like making the effort to type up an email or make that phone call, or I skip doing my very small chores because I'd just rather go on the computer or read a book or take some pictures, or I complain when asked to do something because it's more work than usual or I'd rather be doing something else or...yeah, I can be quite lazy.

"Do everything without complaining or arguing,"

--Philippians 2:14 (NIV)

I have to (sheepishly) admit that I often quote this verse to my brothers without remembering that God's Word is for me, too...that log-and-speck thing, you know?

"Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men,"

--Colossians 3:22-23 (NIV)

The difference between working out of fear of men and out of reverence for the Lord is, well just that...fear or love. You can work for the Lord and do it out of fear. But what Paul means here is to work for the Lord out of love and gratefulness and worship. Even if it's not directly to the Lord as you might think might be serving Him...by living life to the full, you're serving Him. In everything you do, do it for Him.

Will you join me in obeying His Word, in working cheerfully and wholeheartedly, in being grateful and patient, in living life to the full? Not just, you know, tomorrow, or a couple of days, or a week...it's a good place to start, but how about your whole life? How's that sound?

Is there any time that it's tough for you to work wholeheartedly? Hey, and by the way, have you been watching the Olympics?

p.s. I had to go take my shower and then post this...most of the lights are out and we're settling down to bed (it is 11:30ish). Anyway, just wanted to say...being clean feels good. And I'm talking about more than just the outside.

p.p.s. OK, well, I couldn't post this last night (at, like, 11:45 or something the filter that I have on my computer shuts down the Internet connection), so I'm posting it this morning, but I'm not changing anything that was actually from yesterday. :P Hey, at least I'm posting, right? ;)

some thoughts about life and death

the two times i have come closest to death happened two days in a row.

not death happening to me, personally. but to others around me.

yesterday, my dad was driving early in the morning to find coffee and signal. for his phone, that is. as he was driving, a police car...a fire truck...an ambulance sped past him. later he saw them, crowded around where a car had driven off the road...and down the drop-off, several feet below. they loaded the person, loved and precious in the eyes of our Lord, into the ambulance.

that evening, as we drove by, merrily coming home from our day trip in San Diego, we quickly sobered when we saw flowers and a sign where the accident had happened.

life is so fragile.

today, a dear friend of mine, whom i've met only once, but who is a sweet sister in Christ...their very, very close family friend passed away today. she has... had been in the hospital for many weeks, for several things going on in her body. her husband, my friend said, was given peace by our loving Father, but i ask all of you reading this to please pray for him and for my friend and her family, as this is obviously so painful. i praise the Lord that this precious lady is now rejoicing in heaven with our Lord Jesus, but i weep for those here on earth who will miss her.

life is so fragile.

why? why must it be so? if i look at it in anger and pain and despair, it looks as if God is mocking us, mercilessly reminding us of our frailty, of our weakness, in contrast with His Almighty strength.

but i know that is not truth.

what is truth is that our Savior loves us. i know, as surely as the sun rises, as the Psalmist says, that our Lord and King is a loving God, and that while He is rejoicing in heaven, He is weeping with His beloved ones here in this fractured, broken world. the ones who miss their dear friends and family members, who have lost loved ones in combat...in the womb...at the end of an alley...in a hospital...

although i'm not quite sure what the point of this post is, other than to let out some of the thoughts tumbling around in my mind, my soul, begging to be heard...maybe, out of all that, this is one lesson learned:

how precious life is. how dear, sweet, and precious life is.

may we not forget that. may we always bless each day, grateful for the life given us by our Savior.

recent happenings {and a different direction}

Hello, peoples! I've kind of been dreading writing this post, not because I have bad news, but because I have way too much good news to share! :) We've been having such a great time on our trip, and I'm afraid this post will be a mile long! However, I will try to summarize *coughicannotsummarizecough*.


To start off, last Tuesday I had an amazing time meeting Sarah Elizabeth! She and I are both part of the wonderful community of teen girls led by Mrs. Rue at this blog, and for the last couple of weeks we've gotten to know each other better via email. My family was staying near her family, so we arranged to meet up at the Cafe Du Monte (sp?) for beignets - never had them before, but they were delicious! :) Kind of like fry bread, only they're shaped in little squares, with mountains of sugar on top - what could be better? (Unless...they were filled with chocolate! ;) just kidding...) Anyway, here are some pics.

this is Sarah Elizabeth and I...
(not Sarah Elizabeth and me, not I and
Sarah Elizabeth, Sarah Elizabeth and I ;) haha
...and, by the way, if you doubt my grammar, click here)

...and her adorable little brother :)

Here is her blog, by the way, where she posted about our time together (because hers is much better than my pathetic attempt at describing our wonderful time together!). It was really such a blessing getting to meet her, and I had a great time talking with her, as my mom did with her mom and older sister. My dad had so much fun playing around outside, throwing the frisbee and such, with my brothers and her younger siblings - my dad is so great with little kids (and he's not too bad with teenagers either). :)


Oh, and before we went to meet her, we visited a very cool glass blowing and printing place. They were in the middle of a summer camp so there were a bunch of young teens in there making glass beads and shaping metal and making their own ink prints (to print on paper), which was all very entertaining. :) They were not glass blowing at the moment, but they had some amazing displays of tons of different glass creations, which are what the following pictures are (obviously) of (sorry if some of the pictures in this post are messed up...they weren't cooperating with me :P).

Later that afternoon, we drove on the 2nd longest bridge in the world! And...we didn't make it all the way across. It was slightly boring. Beautiful for a couple of minutes, boring after many. So we went grocery shopping and headed home. :) Here is an example of the view from pretty much the whole bridge:

sorry for that annoying black dot :P
it's on my camera lens and I have not
been able to get it off - any suggestions?

The next day we went to a Children's Museum, which was pretty awesome. :) Pictures: 

Noah and Nathan in a bubble

Nathan in a huge bubble (!!!)

Me in a pretty big bubble :)

Here's Nathan standing on...
some sort of blocks that we built up.
we're not sure what they were made of :P

Nathan's pic of me sitting on our little block creation - a very unsteady creation...we felt very brave of ourselves ;)

We found a whole lot of interesting stuff there, and had a great time - unlike the Children's Museum of Houston that we went to yesterday. Oh, trust me, that place was huge and had a ton of stuff - but I was kind of extremely tired, and it was kind of extremely loud and kind of extremely crowded. With little kids. {Today I learned how quickly you can get a headache...just kidding.} Anyway, my mom and I sat on a bench (we soon figured out why it wasn't occupied - it was conveniently placed underneath the AC vent blasting freezing-cold air), and we people watched. Basically, there were a lot of young moms dressed like teenagers (annoying), a lot of young girls dressed like teenagers (very, very annoying), and several grandparents who looked almost as bored as I was. Almost.


But, really, when I say that the dressing like teenagers (and I'm not talking about modest teenagers) was annoying, I don't mean annoying in the normal way you would say annoying, as in describing your brothers' incessant chatter. No, I mean it was saddeningly heartbreaking. My heart breaks for the lack of modesty, morality, and above all, the knowledge of the God Who loves to the point of His death - the lack of this in women in this age. The lack of a relationship with the one true God Almighty, Yahweh, Savior, Who loves more deeply than any boyfriend could, Who makes you more beautiful than any amount of makeup or clothes could, and Who fills and fulfills your life more than anything or anyone else could ever, ever even pretend to.


God has given me a deep passion and burden for the young women of my generation, the lost, the ones who seek security and love and pleasure in all the wrong places, who are ever searching but never finding. What can I do? Where will He lead me? I don't know. But those aren't even the right questions - those questions are focused on me, what I can do. I believe I should sound more like Christ, and how He acted...

^"8 First He {Christ} said, “Sacrifices and offerings, burnt offerings and sin offerings You {God the Father} did not desire, nor were You pleased with them” (although the law required them to be made). ⁹ Then He said, “Here I am, I have come to do Your will.” He sets aside the first to establish the second. ¹⁰ And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all."
--Hebrews 10:8-10

words in {braces} are mine; also, I capitalized pronouns describing God

I don't want to act as if God is a tool for me to use in order to lead others to Him. {paraphrased from this post by Michaela Danielle - "We put emphasis on ourselves...using God as a tool."} I want to be, in every way possible, in Spirit and in truth, a tool for Him to use in order to bring others to Him!


And, while I wanted to finish there, I cannot. It would be quite hypocritical of me. I want to clarify that I have, in no way, become a perfect tool for Christ. I am definitely not perfect; I am, however, made pure by Christ's sacrificial love for me. And, oh, how often I forget that! I turn from Christ, trusting in myself, my knowledge, my ability - all weakness compared to His Almighty strength. I pride myself in spiritual-sounding language and good deeds, and totally miss out on God's amazing plans for me.


So let me make this plain (to myself as much as anyone else reading this). I have sinned. I will continue to sin as long as I am here on this earth (oh, how hard it is for me to say that, to accept that, that imperfection in me). And yet, Christ has died and rose again in love for what I so often try to justify by my own good works. I have believed in His love and forgiveness and embraced Him as my Savior. And I do this continually, every day - reminding myself that I have been saved by Him, not by myself, and I, in His grace, try to make every effort to live in His.


Thus the meaning of forgiven mess - in a nut shell (a coconut shell, that is, not a peanut shell). :)


In love and peace and blessings in Christ our Savior,
~Nicole


P.S. Well, this post went in an entirely different direction than I had originally planned (guess Whose "fault" that is?). I think it like it.

photo/editing challenge and loveliness

Welllll....I just found this lovely little blog, Designed to Inspire, created by the lovely little lady, Britt, "to help others use their talents and creativeness for fun and help them grow and learn different techniques" {quoted from her 'About My Blog' page}. It's positively lovely! ;) (I'm finding myself quite drawn to that word today. Along with the word 'quite'. Just a random fact.)

And, they just happened to be having a photo challenge there! "They" being Britt, Hannah, Hannah Frank, and Ruby (the other contributors) - the photo challenge, however, was posted by Ruby. This is a bit different from typical challenges, however. In this contest, Ruby has posted a picture that she took, and we all have to edit the picture. Cool idea, huh? I thought so, too. That's why I'm taking part in it. ;)

Sooo....here is the original picture in all of it's amazing original-ness:

And here is the edited picture in all of its amazing edited-ness!

I used PicMonkey to edit the photo. Tell me what y'all think! (Yes, I'm a bit of a country girl *wink*) Oh, and my wonderful younger brother, Nicholas, helped me edit this. ;) We had fun doing it together....unfortunately, the prize is a blog button, so I can't give him half of that. {Aw, too bad...if I win, I get all the amazing blog button-ness to myself! Mwahahaha! ...ahem.}

Now then, go and take part in this lovely photo editing challenge! (Did I mention it was lovely?)

P.S. My youth group went to IKEA today! Last time I'll see them all before our trip. :( But we had so much fun...it was my first time there, along with at least one other person (so I didn't feel too left out). Oh! And I had ligonberry juice. Apparently that is a popular Swedish berry or something, because there was ligonberry juice, ligonberry sauce, etc. It tastes kind of like cranberries. But I digress...after lunch and looking around for couches, rugs, etc. for the youth room, we had a scavenger hunt, created by our very own youth leader - and it was amazing!! I'm not sure who won, though. :P Anyway, we had fun, took lots of interesting pictures - which may or may not come up later. We'll see. ;) Love and blessings to you all!! May you all rest in God's peace and joy...what a wonderful place to be, agreed?

childlike

via Google Images

Sometimes I just want to be a kid again.

A little girl, who doesn't feel the need to tell her brother not to put a dripping wet cutting board into the cabinet as "clean", who hasn't yet learned to default to directing her brothers around carelessly. A little lady who is not yet desensitized to the ways of this world, who is utterly repulsed at the irreverent misuse of God's holy Name. A young child who enjoys running around outside in the sun with her little friends, who isn't worried about that guy who just tagged her to be 'it' - isn't worried about what he thinks of her, her clothes or her hair.

Who loves life. Who worships God in surrender, with abandon.

Does anyone else here long for that? Long to be childlike, as Jesus commanded? Wouldn't that be amazing? Don't you love it when you just laugh with your siblings, family, friends - just being enthralled with the joy of pure life?

I love life, this forgiven, free live He has given me. I hope I can learn again to enjoy it as much as Jesus does.

^"And he said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

--Mathew 18:3-4

p.s. A big, huge thanks to Emma Margaret, who designed the current theme for the blog! :) You can visit her blog here or order a blog design from her here. Thanks, Emma!

songs, rambles, prayers, God...what else do you need?

listening to ~ White Flag, by Chris Tomlin, at Passion and Free, by Dara Maclean

Well, now I'm wishing I had another excuse for not posting.  'Cause I kinda need one right about now.  But before I launch into a long, rambling post...just beware, this is about to become a long, rambling post.  Now, moving on...I actually do have half of an excuse!

...which turns out to be worse than no excuse at all...

See, I was going to fast from being on the computer, as well as reading.  For the most part.  That was the idea, anyways...but that's all it was, an idea.  Not something I really prayed about.  Not something I decided based on what God told me, what His Spirit was nudging me to do.  It was something I just figured would work for me so that I could join our church in the 21-day fast we've been doing, leading up to Easter (and could also come in handy as an excuse for not posting on my poor blog).

I just figured it would work for me.

not God.  i wasn't thinking about what God wanted.  what He knew i needed.

maybe He did want me to fast those things.  but i didn't take the time to really ask Him.

So...I've been looking at it as if I've failed.  I didn't stick to my fast (key word - my), didn't listen to God, my relationship with God wasn't magically changed...so I failed. And since I loathe failure...and who doesn't?...I've been ignoring it.  I was more focused on performance, I guess, than God.  What I wanted to do, instead of my Father.  And when that perfection-obsession results in failure and turns to guilt, I do my best to ignore it.  Er, try to.

sorry - this blog post has apparently been seen as a convenient spot to use as my current journal entry. which is surprising, since i haven't made an entry in my journal since...*getting out my journal*...6/30/2011. at 11:14pm, to be precise. ha. it's 11:05pm right now. can't you see i totally have my priorities lined up? of course you wait until your eyelids are threatening to glue shut for the next 24 hours, even tho you need to get up the next morning at, like, 7:30am - of course you wait until then to spend time quietening your troubled heart, to start talking to God...to start listening to His Spirit. to His loving, gentle Spirit.

O my Lord Jesus, my God. how i love You. how amazing You are. how messed up i am, how sinful. but You know that...You've known that...but You still love me. You give me life, life given freely. You give me forgiveness. redemption. hope. joy. how i don't deserve You. to even know You, who You are. but You push through my doubt and feelings of unworthiness and everything in me that rebels against Your love and You say...I love you, my chosen one, my daughter. you're forgiven. come to Me, and I will give you rest. come to Me, and I will give you life. come to Me, my loved one, my precious little girl. you are truly loved. I'll hold you in My love, warm you in My arms. come to Me. I love you.

amen.


Love and blessings - have a wonderful weekend, all! <3

Sunday

What is Sunday for?

Rest.  Easy answer.  Worship.  Also fairly obvious.

OK...how?  What does resting the whole day look like?  How do I worship God for a whole day?

Sad, isn't it?  But these are the thoughts that often run through my head.  We, as a church, as a fellowship in the Spirit, as Christ's chosen Bride, often forget that Sunday is the Lord's day, His special gift to us.  It's not something we need to observe strictly, with rules on what we can and cannot do.  It's a reminder...our Savior has set us free, and we owe Him our life.  It's not a boring day of restriction; it's a celebration!!  It's an invitation from our Father to spend devoted time with Him, not going our own way, but just taking some time to ourselves, or with others, to be in His Presence.  To listen to Him.  To worship Him.  To rest in His arms.  To be with Him.

How can I resist that?

¹³ “If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath 
   and from doing as you please on my holy day, 
if you call the Sabbath a delight 
   and the LORD’s holy day honorable, 
and if you honor it by not going your own way 
   and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, 
¹⁴ then you will find your joy in the LORD.”

                           --Isaiah 58:13-14, NIV

^13-14“If you watch your step on the Sabbath 

   and don't use my holy day for personal advantage,
If you treat the Sabbath as a day of joy, 
   God's holy day as a celebration,
If you honor it by refusing 'business as usual,' 
   making money, running here and there—
Then you'll be free to enjoy God!”

                           --Isaiah 58:13-14, MSG

P.S.  Hey, amazing readers, what do you think about me maybe sharing some songs or poems or whatever that I've written on here sometime?  Maybe on another page or in a blog post or something?  If no one mentions it in the comments, then I'll have my answer. ;) Have a wonderful day, blessed by Him! <3

God

You know God is real?  Really, really real.  He’s personal.  And He’s powerful.

God never changes.  It kind of hit me a few days ago while listening to Misty Edwards sing a song about it – our God is the same Almighty God who can move mountains!  Literal mountains!  If He can do that, what do you think He can do with the mountains in your life?  And I don’t mean change your circumstances, although that would often be very nice, huh?  I mean change you.  Change me.  ’Cause, boy, do we need to be changed!!  How unlike God we are!  Yet Jesus still came to save us.

And you know what?  He can give us victory!!  He can give us the triumph over the things that hold us down, the fear, the shame, guilt, apathy, feelings of worthlessness, stress, worry, unbelief, loveless-ness - all of that, and more.  He can actually give us victory over those things!  We don't have to live in slavery!  We can be free!!!  He is the God over ALL things, the Creator, the King of kings and the Lord of lords!!

Wow.  I just revel in it all.  How much God loves us.  How much Jesus sacrificed for us.  How faithful God is.  How unchanging, unshakable, and powerful He is!!  He is God.  And that’s really just the way it is.  <3

IHOP and Intercession

Hey, all!  I'm 'in' (via the internet) the prayer room right now at IHOP (International House of Prayer) in Kansas City, Missouri...just wanted to share. ;) Also, soon, at 5pm (our time, EST; 4pm their time, CST), Misty Edwards will be leading the worship during the time of intercession!! Misty Edwards is an incredible artist in Christian music (and gifted in intercession); you have probably heard her song, "You Won't Relent" (also sung by Jesus Culture). Here's a link to a video on YouTube of her singing it live at IHOP: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXspOqp6b6s

This week(end) at IHOP they're hosting something called onething, starting tomorrow and ending Saturday. You can look at the details here.

So, as much I would absolutely love to be there, I can't, so I'll settle for in the internet. I already know that the Holy Spirit can work very powerfully in even what we do and watch and listen to on the internet...like watching live services at my church and being part of a community of Christ-following teen girls led by an amazing Christian author on her blog and all that good stuff. ;)

I've been learning a lot about intercession...I got a book called Possessing the Gates of the Enemy, by Cindy Jacobs, for Christmas, recommended by some of our friends, and here is what Mrs. Jacobs says on pages 57-58 at the beginning of Chapter 5 (no, I'm not there yet, but I was skimming through the book when I first got it and this stuck with me; words in brackets are mine):

There has been some controversy today about the ministry of intercession. Some say that there is no such thing as the gift of intercession - that God calls the whole Body to be intercessors. Others who feel a special call of God upon their lives to intercede are confused and say, "Where is my place in the Body if there is no gift of intercession? I know that I have a unique drawing from the Lord to stand in the gap [Ezekiel 22:30]. I spend hours every day alone with God praying for the nations of the world, my church, my own country and its leader."

Which side is right? They both are. From the viewpoint of ministry we are all to pray and intercede like Jesus, our example. From the viewpoint of giftedness a vast number of people are also called specifically to be intercessors. The difference is that one level of intercession is the responsibility of every Christian, and the other is a gift that God bestows and is part of the biblical ministry of helps. Some who receive the gift of intercession receive a future gifting to become prayer leaders. God uses them not only to intercede but to teach others the secrets of intercession.

Then she goes on to explain how she has experienced these things in her life. Three things I really like about Mrs. Jacobs is how honest she is, how personal she is, and how humble she is. It has been a joy so far reading this book.

Anyway, I totally agree with what she said about the responsibility of everyone who follows Christ to intercede in prayer, but that also there are people who are especially burdened for intercession. Some do it through music, there is often prophetic intercession, and some simply pray, connecting with their Lord Jesus Christ.

Also, she quoted Dick Eastman from his book Love on Its Knees at the beginning of this chapter:

An intercessor is a man or woman - or child - who fights on behalf of others. As such, intercession is the activity that identifies us most with Christ. To be an intercessor is to be like Jesus because that is what Jesus is like. He ever lives to intercede.

I don't know if I agree so much with the part where he says that intercession is "the activity that identifies us most with Christ", but I certainly and strongly agree with everything else.

So. These are just some things to ponder. I find them all very inspiring and teaching (that isn't the grammatically correct word to use in this instance, is it? ah, well - you get what I mean...geez, I'm such a perfectionist), and I pray that I will continue to learn exactly how exactly Christ is calling me to serve Him.

Glory be to God in the highest!!!


~Nicole