who i am

We drove up Pike's Peak today - it was beautiful. Cold, but beautiful. We brilliant Floridiots Floridians wore, of course, shorts, t-shirts, and flip-flops. It was not only 41 degrees up there, it was windy and kinda rainy (we even saw some hail). Brr.

{As I'm writing this, I'm watching the Olympics. Watching the fastest man in the world and his ego. Do you know how many times I've heard Usain Bolt call himself a legend? Did you see how he didn't congratulate anyone else? Do you know how many times you can hear the pronouns "I" and "me" coming out of his mouth? Boy, is it hard to love someone with that attitude. Jesus, help me love my 'enemies'...and help me remember that our fight is not one of flesh and blood, but one against "against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." --Ephesians 10:12}

Driving back, we were listening to music in the car. And a verse in one particular song hit me...sadly, I cannot remember that particular song (I think it was Newsboys...?). Oh, the imperfection of the human brain.

Anyway. I do, thankfully, remember what I was hit with...and it was so simple, but something I needed to be reminded of. And it was so clear.

My struggle with sin does not define me. Really, it doesn't. Yeah, being a perfectionist, trying to do it on my own, being a "good girl"...those are all struggles of mine. But they don't make up who I am....you wanna know who I am?

"Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His Name, He gave the right to become children of God — children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God."

--John 1:12-13

I'm a child of God. Not by anything I've done...but because of His love.

That is who I am. That is what defines me. Not anything of myself, but Christ in me, the hope of glory.

Who are you? What do you let define you?

p.s. this was the highlight of the Olympics so far for me :)

songs, rambles, prayers, God...what else do you need?

listening to ~ White Flag, by Chris Tomlin, at Passion and Free, by Dara Maclean

Well, now I'm wishing I had another excuse for not posting.  'Cause I kinda need one right about now.  But before I launch into a long, rambling post...just beware, this is about to become a long, rambling post.  Now, moving on...I actually do have half of an excuse!

...which turns out to be worse than no excuse at all...

See, I was going to fast from being on the computer, as well as reading.  For the most part.  That was the idea, anyways...but that's all it was, an idea.  Not something I really prayed about.  Not something I decided based on what God told me, what His Spirit was nudging me to do.  It was something I just figured would work for me so that I could join our church in the 21-day fast we've been doing, leading up to Easter (and could also come in handy as an excuse for not posting on my poor blog).

I just figured it would work for me.

not God.  i wasn't thinking about what God wanted.  what He knew i needed.

maybe He did want me to fast those things.  but i didn't take the time to really ask Him.

So...I've been looking at it as if I've failed.  I didn't stick to my fast (key word - my), didn't listen to God, my relationship with God wasn't magically changed...so I failed. And since I loathe failure...and who doesn't?...I've been ignoring it.  I was more focused on performance, I guess, than God.  What I wanted to do, instead of my Father.  And when that perfection-obsession results in failure and turns to guilt, I do my best to ignore it.  Er, try to.

sorry - this blog post has apparently been seen as a convenient spot to use as my current journal entry. which is surprising, since i haven't made an entry in my journal since...*getting out my journal*...6/30/2011. at 11:14pm, to be precise. ha. it's 11:05pm right now. can't you see i totally have my priorities lined up? of course you wait until your eyelids are threatening to glue shut for the next 24 hours, even tho you need to get up the next morning at, like, 7:30am - of course you wait until then to spend time quietening your troubled heart, to start talking to God...to start listening to His Spirit. to His loving, gentle Spirit.

O my Lord Jesus, my God. how i love You. how amazing You are. how messed up i am, how sinful. but You know that...You've known that...but You still love me. You give me life, life given freely. You give me forgiveness. redemption. hope. joy. how i don't deserve You. to even know You, who You are. but You push through my doubt and feelings of unworthiness and everything in me that rebels against Your love and You say...I love you, my chosen one, my daughter. you're forgiven. come to Me, and I will give you rest. come to Me, and I will give you life. come to Me, my loved one, my precious little girl. you are truly loved. I'll hold you in My love, warm you in My arms. come to Me. I love you.

amen.


Love and blessings - have a wonderful weekend, all! <3

God

You know God is real?  Really, really real.  He’s personal.  And He’s powerful.

God never changes.  It kind of hit me a few days ago while listening to Misty Edwards sing a song about it – our God is the same Almighty God who can move mountains!  Literal mountains!  If He can do that, what do you think He can do with the mountains in your life?  And I don’t mean change your circumstances, although that would often be very nice, huh?  I mean change you.  Change me.  ’Cause, boy, do we need to be changed!!  How unlike God we are!  Yet Jesus still came to save us.

And you know what?  He can give us victory!!  He can give us the triumph over the things that hold us down, the fear, the shame, guilt, apathy, feelings of worthlessness, stress, worry, unbelief, loveless-ness - all of that, and more.  He can actually give us victory over those things!  We don't have to live in slavery!  We can be free!!!  He is the God over ALL things, the Creator, the King of kings and the Lord of lords!!

Wow.  I just revel in it all.  How much God loves us.  How much Jesus sacrificed for us.  How faithful God is.  How unchanging, unshakable, and powerful He is!!  He is God.  And that’s really just the way it is.  <3

happy birthday, Jesus

(Note: This is a post from my former blog - with Weebly - that I posted on here the day after, just to get started.  I'll update soon - lots of amazing things to share!!!)

So I was sitting outside earlier, reveling in the gorgeous weather that seemed like God’s wrapped-with-a-bow gift for Christmas, and had the sudden urge to sing.  That’s what often happens to me when I experience God’s creation, just the simple beauty of the warmth of the sun on my head and the slight breeze in the air, rustling the leaves and tugging at my hair.

And so I sang.  I think when God fills our hearts with His endless joy and love and grace, there’s just no way that we can keep from joyfully praising Him in our response to His Holy Spirit.

How blessed we are.  Jesus came to us to save us.  You.  Me.  To erase our sin.  Completely, no strings attached, asking nothing in return.  But how can we not give Him our lives?  God has given us His very own Son as a sacrifice for our disgusting sinfulness – if He has done even this, how immeasurable is His love?  What other greater thing can He do to show His love for us?  If there is, He will surely do it, pouring His love out on us like no other being can do, like no other love in the universe.

“He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all—how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?”  --Romans 8:32

How can we, in our right minds, resist His love?  Why would we?  He’s not pointing a finger at us, berating us for our wrongdoings – far from it!  We’re the ones who drown ourselves in guilt, believing the devil’s lie that God could never love or forgive us.  God has given us His all, His very Spirit!!  I stand in awe before His powerful love.  It surges over me, in me, through me, with power unimaginable.

Sometimes the little things in life help us to remember God’s love for us.  The small beauties, the wind whispering through the trees, the laughter with friends at church, the sun shining.

thank You, Jesus.  thank You for loving me.  thank You for forgiving my sin.  oh, how i don’t deserve it!  but Your love for me is greater than my unworthiness.  thank You, my Savior, for loving me so much that You literally gave Yourself away, nailed to wood in sin and shame.  thank You for rising again and saving me!  i give you my life…please take it and use it in wondrous ways, to Your glory and in Your Name.  thank you, Jesus.

happy birthday, Jesus.  thank You for Your gift to me.  my life is my gift to You in return.

i love You.  thank You for loving me.