life...take two

"Take hold of the life that really is life."

--1 Timothy 6:19

As some of you people out there might know, in the blogger world...it can be quite pressured. Stressful, even. There's SO many things you "need to do!!" as a successful blogger - for example, is photography in? Then I need to take a photography class (which, I gotta admit, I was already wanting to do...this just gave me an excuse ;) haha). Inspiring posts are necessary for acquiring many followers? Check! A post every two days, with maybe a 'wordless Wednesday' or something like that? Gotta get that down! Etsy shop needed? Umm...I'll think about it. Vintage is the thing? Well...that's cute...maybe I can find some vintage-y pics that I like...OK, sorry, I'm just not a vintage girl. :) But seriously, it's like every other part of the world - there's always something you can conform to.


But what if I don't want to conform? What if I step back and think, "Seriously? This is where I put my time and effort? Do I enjoy this, this competition, this facade of who I really am?"


Ummm...no.


So...that's kinda how this verse hit me, and I just wanted to share. My blog is not my life. My schoolwork is not my life. Books are not my life (gasp!). I am who I am, and I am in Christ - He is my life.


And, OK, I started this post last night. And afterwards, I could not go to sleep for quite a bit of time. Why? I was so excited about blogging! Now that I've realized that I can be posting for me, not for them, (whoever "they" are) a whole new world of opportunities opened up for me! (And that sounded so totally cliche it was wonderful.) I "get it" now, why I didn't want to post on my blog. I was so stressed over what other people would think of it, whether it was inspiring or not.


Well, who cares if it's inspiring or not? Yes, I want my blog posts to point towards Jesus Christ. (But, well, to steal Jocee's words in her comment here, if the rest of the blogger world doesn't like that, then screw them! {don't take that too literally, please}) I don't really care if no one is reading my blog (OK, I kinda do...). But really, this is my outlet for creative writing, what I enjoy doing! And I have the freedom to do that! Right now, it doesn't really matter what another person thinks about it. Here, I can write out my thoughts, I can dream, I can pray, I can share my heart...


Oh, darn it, I need to go make breakfast. Within one minute. Oops (I'm gonna be late :P). ;)


Love and blessings,
Nicole <3 John 5:24

songs, rambles, prayers, God...what else do you need?

listening to ~ White Flag, by Chris Tomlin, at Passion and Free, by Dara Maclean

Well, now I'm wishing I had another excuse for not posting.  'Cause I kinda need one right about now.  But before I launch into a long, rambling post...just beware, this is about to become a long, rambling post.  Now, moving on...I actually do have half of an excuse!

...which turns out to be worse than no excuse at all...

See, I was going to fast from being on the computer, as well as reading.  For the most part.  That was the idea, anyways...but that's all it was, an idea.  Not something I really prayed about.  Not something I decided based on what God told me, what His Spirit was nudging me to do.  It was something I just figured would work for me so that I could join our church in the 21-day fast we've been doing, leading up to Easter (and could also come in handy as an excuse for not posting on my poor blog).

I just figured it would work for me.

not God.  i wasn't thinking about what God wanted.  what He knew i needed.

maybe He did want me to fast those things.  but i didn't take the time to really ask Him.

So...I've been looking at it as if I've failed.  I didn't stick to my fast (key word - my), didn't listen to God, my relationship with God wasn't magically changed...so I failed. And since I loathe failure...and who doesn't?...I've been ignoring it.  I was more focused on performance, I guess, than God.  What I wanted to do, instead of my Father.  And when that perfection-obsession results in failure and turns to guilt, I do my best to ignore it.  Er, try to.

sorry - this blog post has apparently been seen as a convenient spot to use as my current journal entry. which is surprising, since i haven't made an entry in my journal since...*getting out my journal*...6/30/2011. at 11:14pm, to be precise. ha. it's 11:05pm right now. can't you see i totally have my priorities lined up? of course you wait until your eyelids are threatening to glue shut for the next 24 hours, even tho you need to get up the next morning at, like, 7:30am - of course you wait until then to spend time quietening your troubled heart, to start talking to God...to start listening to His Spirit. to His loving, gentle Spirit.

O my Lord Jesus, my God. how i love You. how amazing You are. how messed up i am, how sinful. but You know that...You've known that...but You still love me. You give me life, life given freely. You give me forgiveness. redemption. hope. joy. how i don't deserve You. to even know You, who You are. but You push through my doubt and feelings of unworthiness and everything in me that rebels against Your love and You say...I love you, my chosen one, my daughter. you're forgiven. come to Me, and I will give you rest. come to Me, and I will give you life. come to Me, my loved one, my precious little girl. you are truly loved. I'll hold you in My love, warm you in My arms. come to Me. I love you.

amen.


Love and blessings - have a wonderful weekend, all! <3

God

You know God is real?  Really, really real.  He’s personal.  And He’s powerful.

God never changes.  It kind of hit me a few days ago while listening to Misty Edwards sing a song about it – our God is the same Almighty God who can move mountains!  Literal mountains!  If He can do that, what do you think He can do with the mountains in your life?  And I don’t mean change your circumstances, although that would often be very nice, huh?  I mean change you.  Change me.  ’Cause, boy, do we need to be changed!!  How unlike God we are!  Yet Jesus still came to save us.

And you know what?  He can give us victory!!  He can give us the triumph over the things that hold us down, the fear, the shame, guilt, apathy, feelings of worthlessness, stress, worry, unbelief, loveless-ness - all of that, and more.  He can actually give us victory over those things!  We don't have to live in slavery!  We can be free!!!  He is the God over ALL things, the Creator, the King of kings and the Lord of lords!!

Wow.  I just revel in it all.  How much God loves us.  How much Jesus sacrificed for us.  How faithful God is.  How unchanging, unshakable, and powerful He is!!  He is God.  And that’s really just the way it is.  <3